if you had told me five years ago that i would be where i am today, i wouldn't have believed you.
a private university that gets a lot of attention for music? heck no.
graduating a year late? do you even know me?
still working at the same job i've had since i was sixteen? now i just don't like you.
i had it all planned out. i knew where i was going, what i was doing, and how i'd get there. if i wanted something, i worked until i got it and sometimes i was lucky enough to not have to work too hard.
but the truth is, i shouldn't even be here.
i shouldn't be at this school, getting an education that plenty of other people deserve before i do. i don't deserve the most adorable twin girls running up to me and hugging me tightly every sunday. i don't deserve the easy road that my loved ones let me march on the days that i am crankier than a wet kitty without a litter box. i don't deserve to wake up each and every morning in my big, warm, comfortable bed. now that i'm think of it, what did i do to deserve to wake up at all?
over the last six months, i've been miserably pressed and molded and shaped to see that each day is a gift. that God will make due with the silly little mistakes i make and turn them back around to fit into the plan He made for me. that it's not up to me to decide who i was created to be. that the world does not just include my world. and that it takes repeated faith to find out that this life doesn't make sense and it hurts and it can suck, and that its all going to be okay.
sometimes, it takes getting knocked back down to the bottom to see that you were too busy telling God what was going to happen instead of just following Him. sometimes it takes traveling to the other side of the world to see that you've got it made. and sometimes you just have to go to a meeting for people with problems that you don't have to learn that you're no better than anyone else. sometimes you wake up to realize you've been in a trance of "work, eat, sleep, repeat" instead of actually living. sometimes you feel like giving up on the world- until someone tells you that He won't give up on you no matter what you do.
i can't say that i've matured during 2013. i still play dinosaur with four giggly kids twice a week and cry when i'm mad at my friends. i still say mean things about my boss and make presentations on how i'm responsible enough for a pet duck. but i think i'm starting to realize what it's all about. to wake up each day is a gift, and there are billions of things we have to be thankful for. if i had to make a list, i'd put laughter, taco bell, and crisp autumn air towards the top. but the two things i'm most thankful for are Grace and grace. that God picks me up every single hour when i fall off the path and onto the road. and that my family (both biologically and the friends that i'm forcing to make their kids called me "aunt") sees my heart instead of my flaws every day.
that its really just all about loving people. the people you live with, the people you really don't like, and the people you don't even know.
this season is a time for reflection and celebration. my heart is so full and i'm just getting started with my gratitude.
peace, love, and orange colored leaves,
morgan
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
kampuchean adventures.
this blog post could go in many different directions- a history lesson, a nursing lecture, a community health presentation, a theological study- but that's just too many directions to travel. and, to be frank, i don't want to scrawl every moment of every day down so that you'll spend a really long time reading my silly little blog. instead, i'll give you a highlight reel of how my life has been bent a little more away from the world and a little bit more towards love. however, my heart is pretty full, so this is your warning that this post may be longer than most.
as it turns out, most americans don't know anything about cambodia. because i'm a nice person, i'll give you a brief background so that you may understand a bit about the people i fell in love with.
-cambodia fact #1: cambodia is in asia. many people think that it lies in africa, but that is just not the case. here is a picture of a map so that you know for future references.
-cambodia fact #2: cambodia is often referred to as a "developing country." from 1975-1979, cambodia fell under the reign of a communist group called the "khmer rouge", who sought complete independence and sovereignty from the rest of the world. during the khmer rouge's takeover, nearly three million of the country's eight million citizens were killed. those who were doctors, military,
teachers, government officials, educated in any way, or were from a mixed ethnic background were brutally tortured and murdered. hundreds of thousands starved to death. money was burned, homes were evicted from, children were brainwashed, and families were destroyed. because of this destruction, rehabilitation has been an extremely slow process. every single cambodian was affected and many still suffer from these effects today.
teachers, government officials, educated in any way, or were from a mixed ethnic background were brutally tortured and murdered. hundreds of thousands starved to death. money was burned, homes were evicted from, children were brainwashed, and families were destroyed. because of this destruction, rehabilitation has been an extremely slow process. every single cambodian was affected and many still suffer from these effects today.
-cambodia fact #3: though cambodian people are extremely poor financially compared to us americans, they carry very rich hearts (i hope to reflect this somewhat later in the post).
-cambodia fact #4: "kampuchea" is the word for "cambodia" in khmer (the language most cambodians speak). hence the title of this post.
-cambodia fact #5: every cambodian knows the gangnam style song and dance. good thing my dad does it enough around the house that i knew it too...
now that i've hopefully sparked a bit of your interest in furthering your cambodian education, i'll proceed with the promised highlight reel. these highlights are in no particular order, except for the order in which they come to my brain.
during our first week, our team of 26 worked together to build a home for a beautiful family of ten. the mother and father were both HIV positive, a common and unfortunate occurrence in cambodia. their eight children, thankfully, are not. there is not an easy way to describe the homes in cambodia, so imagine an old wooden barn that looks like it would blow over at the slightest breeze. now divide your imaginary barn into about a tenth of what you've created it to be, add a little bit of hay on the dirt floor, and maybe an anorexic chicken and there is your cambodian house. unhygienic, unsafe, uncomfortable. but the people who have these homes are the fortunate ones, as many cambodians live on the streets. our new one-roomed home was complete with a concrete floor, plastic walls, a supporting beam, a functional roof, and an outside latrine. (side note: this toilet was basically a hole in the ground with brick walls, but it completely changed the family's living conditions because they now do not have to walk across the street into the fields at night to relieve themselves). for a mere $1,700 we built a house! with this house, we were able to provide ten people with safe housing, something i take for granted every day.
our last few days of the trip were spent in my favorite province called battambang. i had the pleasure of observing and assisting in surgeries with some of my classmates and new-found friends. the patient of the surgery in which i assisted was a 7-year-old boy whose body was covered in wounds that ranged from the size of a pencil eraser to the size of a softball. the boy and his two siblings found an old land mine in a field near their home. without knowing what it was, they tossed it and played with it, until the weapon chose to untimely reveal its true identity. the eldest sibling was blown to bits, while the two
younger suffered many shrapnel injuries. fortunately, these two children were patched up are expected to make a full physical recovery, though the mental and emotional wounds will probably remain opened for a very long time. this situation is not uncommon for cambodians either; this particular hospital, handa emergency hospital, sees at least two land mine victims in their emergency room each week. later that evening i met this boy's parents and younger sister. my heart shattered as the parents greeted me warmly and seemed strangely happy. as with most asian cultures, cambodians hide any negative emotions and these parents wouldn't dare let me see any sign of grief. because their grief was masked, i could see it even more plainly on the faces of the children. this family was suffering something that no family should have to go through. this nation sees too much trauma, and yet the brokenness is hidden behind the most beautiful of smiles.
younger suffered many shrapnel injuries. fortunately, these two children were patched up are expected to make a full physical recovery, though the mental and emotional wounds will probably remain opened for a very long time. this situation is not uncommon for cambodians either; this particular hospital, handa emergency hospital, sees at least two land mine victims in their emergency room each week. later that evening i met this boy's parents and younger sister. my heart shattered as the parents greeted me warmly and seemed strangely happy. as with most asian cultures, cambodians hide any negative emotions and these parents wouldn't dare let me see any sign of grief. because their grief was masked, i could see it even more plainly on the faces of the children. this family was suffering something that no family should have to go through. this nation sees too much trauma, and yet the brokenness is hidden behind the most beautiful of smiles.
in this same hospital, we worked during the day to teach the nurses about how to assess for pain and alleviate it as much as possible given the supplies available. we walked rounds with them in the wards and met some patients who have the most incredible stories. we entertained the children, donated blood, and tried to learn as much as possible. at night, we would return to sing, dance, and blow bubbles for the patients. i made friends with the older ladies (naturally) and gave them a few laughs with my goofy dance moves.
also in battambang, we visited a rehabilitation center, where a few kind ladies allowed myself and a few friends to play wheelchair basketball. most of these ladies are living with polio, a disease americans have nearly put into the history books. some of the ladies lived with other conditions, such as amputations or cerebral palsy. despite their physical disabilities, i was the one given the handicap on the court. in the words of one of the team members, "before coming to the rehab, i felt lonely and isolated. but now that i'm here, i feel like i have a purpose. i am happy." it's the little things- like a basketball game- that make the impact. these ladies plan to go to the special olympics and take home the gold medal, and i'm rooting for them all the way.
in phnom penh (the nation's capitol), we met an american family that truly lives with God's love seeping out of them. a year ago, this couple and their fourteen-year-old daughter sold everything they had, said "see you later" to their three older sons, and moved to cambodia. the father was a former high school principal and is now a new administrator of finances at sihanouk hospital center of hope, and the mother was a former nurse and currently serves as a volunteer nurse. their story to move was astounding, the stories of the adoptions of their two youngest children were beautiful, and their kind words to each of us were encouragement to fill our hearts with excitement and joy.
i might have learned more about faith in three short weeks in cambodia than i have in my entire life at home. cambodia is about 1-1.5% christian, while a majority of the population are buddhists- an obvious contrast from what i'm accustomed to in southern usa. each and every morning i could smell incense burning at alters and spirit houses before i had even walked out of the door. spirit houses, temples, and alters were scattered every few hundred feet away. nearly every buddhist wore a little red bracelet around their wrists- even toddlers. devotion to faith is not a recreation, like i see often in the christians that i know (myself included). rather, devotion to faith is an expectation, a natural way of life. where is my natural devotion? hidden behind my pride? and the christians that we met at church were exactly what God has called us to be- hot or cold, black or white. (theology confession: i don't know if God wants to be on the "hot" side or the "cold" side, the "black" side of life or the "white" side. sometimes i think He's on the hot and white side, mostly because Jesus is the light of the world (and "light" and "white" kind of rhyme), and krispy kreme doughnuts are best when the hot sign is on (and God had to have played a hand in inventing those). however, i am no theologian, which is why i avoided listing black or white, cold or hot.) the church was electric with energy during each song and the congregation held on to the words of each speaker. cambodian christians also keep their bibles near at all times, while my bible has collected its fair amount of dust during its lifetime. cambodians are literally the poorest people i have ever met, yet did not hesitate a second when it came to contributing tithes to the church. as one of the pastors said one sunday morning, "many western christians travel to foreign countries with this notion of 'saving souls' in mind. if this is you, you don't realize it, but the soul God is going to actually be saving is yours." and kevin was completely right. did i want to run to cambodia and hopefully "save" someone? not necessarily. i was hoping to share God's love, and i feel like that was accomplished. but what i didn't realize is how this trip and God's love would transform me more than i transformed someone else.
a laundry list of other things i did: visited angkor wat (known as the eighth wonder of the world), rode and kissed an elephant, made friends with the cutest kids all under the age of ten, rode the bamboo train, spent eighteen consecutive nights with my best friend and survived, played soccer and volleyball with some cambodian beasts of athletes, taught nurses a few new skills, learned a few new nursing skills, befriended some wonderful cambodian brothers as well as my beautiful classmates, survived two 29 hour travel days, learned to dance cambodian-style, and crossed the international date line for the first time. 
my experience was one that i will never forget. it was both heart-breakingly and breath-takingly beautiful beyond the mere words on this screen. i cannot say thank you enough to those who encouraged me and supported me through financial means and prayer.
and i cannot wait to go back.
peace, love, and elephant kisses,
morgan
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
sympathizing with job
they say that everything has its season. a season of happiness, a season of sadness, a season of peace, a season of being really obsessed with polly pockets even though you're twenty-one years old (you mean that never happened to you? yeah, me neither...). these seasons keep things interesting so i suppose we should be thankful for them. but sometimes it seems like certain seasons come about more often and stick around far longer than the others. and oftentimes it's the season that you don't necessarily want around to keep you company.
lately, i've been in the "why do all of these bad things keep happening to me?!" season. the season that's filled with doubt, worry, self-pity, loneliness, blah blah blah. things just haven't been going my way, and most of it is my fault but placing the blame somewhere doesn't quite take away the sting.
the situations that keep popping up aren't the surprising aspect. in fact, i'm at the point where i'm expecting a bad phone call or email once a week, and i'm a bit anxious by the time wednesday comes around and i still haven't gotten some bad news. no, the surprising part of it all is how i'm handling things, or better yet-how God has completely captured my emotional fire and smothered it with a blanket of peace.
if you don't know the story of job, there's a whole book written about him. the gist of the story is that job is a wealthy man who is completely faithful to the LORD. satan tells God that the only reason job is faithful is because he has all of this wealth and blessings so of course he'll be faithful. well, God lets satan do whatever he wants to job, as long as he doesn't kill the man, to see if he'll curse God. satan goes hard in the paint, taking job's possessions, all of his family, even his health. job's friends tell job to "curse God and die" multiple times, which i think any rational person would do to put an end to it all. job never once curses God, and in the end job's health and possessions are restored and he gets a new family, while God gives satan a big, fat "boo-ya!"
now, i am not comparing myself to job. though i've had a tough time, i am still very, very fortunate and i will definitely survive. but as i've gone through this challenging season, i told God i was going to take the "job road". instead of giving up (although i've wanted to sooo many times), i tried to pray or read the bible or something else that's rather spiritual that i've been far too lazy to put trust in before. while it seemed silly and kind of useless at first, it's grown into a foundation that i believe i was supposed to be building on the whole time. when someone does me wrong, instead of writing their name in my burn book (hypothetically, because i don't actually have a burn book...) i tell myself that i should take the situation with a grain of salt, forgive them, and continue to love them. after all, i can't be forgiven for my wrongdoing if i'm holding my own burn book full of grudges.
i don't know if i'm trying to make a point, but if i am i suppose it would be this: trials and tribulations are going to come your way. maybe baby ones, maybe ones that shatter you to your core. but going through these trials are much easier with faith in a God that is good, even when you and your attitude are far, far from good. (it also helps to have the most wonderful friends and lots of chocolate and a good "crying my heart out" playlist. but most importantly, God.) i want to encourage any of you that are going through a rough time to keep fighting the good fight even when you don't want to. and don't be afraid to lean on Love.
spring has finally sprung, and i hope your days are full of frollicking and sunshine and all of the amazing things spring brings (with the exception of final exams). until next time.
peace, love, and cafeteria buffalo meltdown sandwiches.
morgan the nana
lately, i've been in the "why do all of these bad things keep happening to me?!" season. the season that's filled with doubt, worry, self-pity, loneliness, blah blah blah. things just haven't been going my way, and most of it is my fault but placing the blame somewhere doesn't quite take away the sting.
the situations that keep popping up aren't the surprising aspect. in fact, i'm at the point where i'm expecting a bad phone call or email once a week, and i'm a bit anxious by the time wednesday comes around and i still haven't gotten some bad news. no, the surprising part of it all is how i'm handling things, or better yet-how God has completely captured my emotional fire and smothered it with a blanket of peace.
if you don't know the story of job, there's a whole book written about him. the gist of the story is that job is a wealthy man who is completely faithful to the LORD. satan tells God that the only reason job is faithful is because he has all of this wealth and blessings so of course he'll be faithful. well, God lets satan do whatever he wants to job, as long as he doesn't kill the man, to see if he'll curse God. satan goes hard in the paint, taking job's possessions, all of his family, even his health. job's friends tell job to "curse God and die" multiple times, which i think any rational person would do to put an end to it all. job never once curses God, and in the end job's health and possessions are restored and he gets a new family, while God gives satan a big, fat "boo-ya!"
now, i am not comparing myself to job. though i've had a tough time, i am still very, very fortunate and i will definitely survive. but as i've gone through this challenging season, i told God i was going to take the "job road". instead of giving up (although i've wanted to sooo many times), i tried to pray or read the bible or something else that's rather spiritual that i've been far too lazy to put trust in before. while it seemed silly and kind of useless at first, it's grown into a foundation that i believe i was supposed to be building on the whole time. when someone does me wrong, instead of writing their name in my burn book (hypothetically, because i don't actually have a burn book...) i tell myself that i should take the situation with a grain of salt, forgive them, and continue to love them. after all, i can't be forgiven for my wrongdoing if i'm holding my own burn book full of grudges.
i don't know if i'm trying to make a point, but if i am i suppose it would be this: trials and tribulations are going to come your way. maybe baby ones, maybe ones that shatter you to your core. but going through these trials are much easier with faith in a God that is good, even when you and your attitude are far, far from good. (it also helps to have the most wonderful friends and lots of chocolate and a good "crying my heart out" playlist. but most importantly, God.) i want to encourage any of you that are going through a rough time to keep fighting the good fight even when you don't want to. and don't be afraid to lean on Love.
spring has finally sprung, and i hope your days are full of frollicking and sunshine and all of the amazing things spring brings (with the exception of final exams). until next time.
peace, love, and cafeteria buffalo meltdown sandwiches.
morgan the nana
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)